Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Our work is not yet done…

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.

But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate—we can not consecrate—we can not hallow—this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us—that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion—that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

A. Lincoln
November 19, 1863
Gettysburg

Friday, November 14, 2008

I’ll not be explaining this but…

You know...somethings are just so predictable as to be ridiculous. 

I mean really…

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Rahm Emanuel

If I was younger and better educated and in D.C. I’d being doing everything in my power to work for this man!

Monday, November 10, 2008

LOCKED

If you are interested in reading the Locked Blog (and you are not a family member of mine or a co-worker) you can email me and request the log in info.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Do not despair…

"The dawn of a new American leadership is at hand...” Barack Obama.

“As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours: We are not enemies but friends ... Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.”—Barack Obama, quoting Abraham Lincoln.

Now...let’s get to work people, there’s a lot to clean up.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

VOTE!

It’s the most American thing you can do...express your opinion about laws, finances and the people who will represent you in the world.  Make your voice heard, participate, make this country WORK, make this DEMOCRACY something to be proud of...make yourself proud. 

Respect the process.

Respect yourself.

Respect your neighbors.

Respect the hope this Country can shine in the world...not because we are perfect, not because God is on our side, not because we are better than anyone else...we’re really just trying to beat the odds.  Keeping the dream of a constitutional republic that attempts to care for both majority rights and minority rights alive is a tall order.  As we mature as a country the challenges change and we have got to keep up with the requirements.  We’ve got to fight the tyranny of ignorance, complacency, bitterness, cynicism, arrogance, despair and certainty. 

So I hope you all vote today and rejoice in the miracle of this Great Experiment and remember that we are always responsible for it.

Monday, November 03, 2008

No more Chloe and Sean

Well my friends there is actually one more installment of the Chloe and Sean Story Suite but I’m not going to post it online.  It’s a little too literally tied into the Super Secret Writing Project that is going on so I’m not comfortable posting it on the internets.  I hope you’ve enjoyed Chloe and Sean and trust me their story will go on in another form hopefully...this has been the back story and quite a lot of fun for me to write.  I hope you’ve enjoyed it.

xoxo

Friday, October 31, 2008

I think this is pretty clear

The late nights at the carnival got a bit rowdier as they got closer to home and the end of the season.  Just about everyone was hanging out around the chow trailer getting drunk and singing, mostly old Beatles or Johnny Cash.  As had developed over the last year Sean O’Malley stayed on one side of the crowd and Chloe and Lolly stayed on the other, a very tentative and somewhat twisted truce having developed over time and miles.  Sean was hitting the bottle pretty hard but that wasn’t too out of character for most everyone on a night like this.  They all had the day off tomorrow and it was only a few weeks before they were all home and could settle in for the winter.  Chloe and Lolly were sitting in old lawn chairs at the edge of the crowd with beers in hand when suddenly Sean was standing in front of Chloe.  He was wavering a bit back and forth working to keep his balance with all the booze sloshing around in him.  Lolly’s eyes narrowed in suspicion but she didn’t say anything.  Sean put his hand into his jacket pocket and suddenly dropped to one knee.  Chloe put out a hand towards him thinking he was falling but then realized something else was going on.  No one else seemed to notice and the music went on.  Lolly’s shocked face told Chloe that he really was doing what she thought he was doing.  Little by little the music seemed to fade away and all she could hear was a roaring in her ears, the thudding of her heart…and Sean’s voice. 

“Chloe Gardner there’s no one on this planet I love more than you and I think I’ll die if I can’t live the rest of my life with you.  Please, would you marry me?”

Sean was still having trouble keeping his balance even down on one knee.  He held up a lovely diamond ring that had probably cost him all of his savings.  Chloe took a swig of her beer.  Then she stood up, handed the beer bottle to Lolly and slapped Sean O’Malley so hard he fell over.  Everything stopped suddenly and all eyes were on her.  She stared back with no expression and then turned and stalked off to her trailer.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Comment Test

Hey Folks...I’ve heard some rumors that there might be some hang ups with my comment feature.  So if you would...please leave a comment or email me if you have a problem leaving a comment and let me know what the problem was...so I can let She Who Is The Keeper Of The Blog know.  IF you have a problem please be detailed in your email about what happens and what it tells you because that is the only way the High Priestess of Bloggie Goodness can solve the problem.

THANKS SO MUCH!!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Better than nothing

She couldn’t help herself.  She stood silently in the shadows watching the couple walking towards the beat up old trailer.  They had their arms around each others waists and were stumbling just a little with the effects of the drinking.  She watched as the woman sat on the steps up to the door and he faced her and leaned in to kiss her deeply.  He pulled back and muttered something to her and she giggled and got up and they both moved towards the door.  The girl went in but before he followed her he turned around in the glow of the porch light and looked directly into the shadows where she stood, his mouth in it’s usual amused smirk but his eyes filled with longing and hurt.  She raised her cigarette to her mouth so he would be able to see her in the glow as she sucked in the smoke and then dropped her hand.  The girl in the trailer called out, “Hey where are you sugar?” and he turned and went in.  The porch light went out.

Later.

She was back at the picnic table smoking and drinking coffee.  She knew it was late but sleep wasn’t possible tonight so no point in even trying.  He walked up slowly and sat down across from her.  He looked a bit disheveled and tired.  Dark shadows bruising his eyes, pale skin with lines seeming to cut around his mouth.  Worn out and living much too hard. 

“Coffee?” she said as she handed him her smokes and lighter.

“Thanks.” She poured him coffee as he lit a smoke.

“You look like hell for someone who just got laid.” She said with just a bit of an edge in her voice.

“Well, lukin’ like hell is just parrrt of my charrrm” he said with a thick brogue and a slight grin as his dark hair fell into his eyes with great calculation.

She rolled her eyes and drank her coffee, “Yeah I’m sure the little girls here in Moultrie just eat it up.”

He shrugged and sat there smoking.  Finally he said, “Why do you do it?”

She stared off into the darkness, “Same reason you do…I’d rather feel something than nothing” then she turned to face him, “and if you can stand it so can I.”

Friday, October 24, 2008

How dare you?

She sat smoking on the far side of the carnival.  She usually didn’t hang out over here but it was the only place she could go these days to get away from Sean.  The midway guys were ok and by now had gotten used to her hanging out behind their booths between her shows.  Suddenly the two guys that had been chatting near her fell silent and she looked up to see Sean walking her way.  She was sitting on a low wall and just didn’t feel like running off this time.  Immediately her stomach turned sour and she clenched her teeth.  The two midway guys left shaking their heads and mumbling about “…idiots who fucked up good things.” That made Chloe smile a little.  She had refused to see him or speak to him for the last two weeks.  Sean leaned against the wall next to her, face looking sad and worn, older than his twenty-two years.

“Chloe…please…I told you I was sorry.  You know I meant it.  I got drunk and as stupid as this sounds I just didn’t think about it.  I know that sounds awful, it is awful, but that’s still the truth.  It doesn’t mean I don’t love you and if I could undo it I would.  I’m sick about it.” He said it all staring at the ground.

“Sean I told you what the deal was.  I got no second chances for someone who blames their shitty choices on being drunk.  I’ve given up all the pieces of my life I’m willing to give up to alcohol and the people who use it as some sort of easy way out.  As for love…well near as I can tell that’s just not enough.” She said it all staring straight ahead.

“How can you be so young and so hard?” he asked still staring at the ground.

The rage almost took her breath away.  She stood up and ground her cigarette out under her booted foot.

“Look at me Sean O’Malley.” He slowly looked up at her, “I stopped being young the first time I had to fight off some grimy handed middle aged man who thought a little carnie girl would be free for the taking.  I stopped being young when I had to start hiding money from my Mom so I could feed myself.  I stopped being young the day I let you make a fool of me.  If I’m hard then so be it.  And fuck you for acting like you had no part in it.” She walked off without looking back.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

The price of blindness

Chloe and Lolly were sitting quietly at the picnic table drinking some late night coffee as they heard voices approaching. 

“Oh, oh…you are too much” a young woman’s voice a bit slurry and giggly, “now stop that you bad boy.”

Chloe and Lolly started to grin and quietly pulled out dollar bills. 

“I say it’s Bailey with that little blonde that was hanging around his booth all day today” Chloe whispered.

“Naw, Bailey’s never managed to get a chick to actually make out with him yet.  I say it’s Roscoe with that little red head that was trailing around after his show” Lolly whispered back. 

They both put their dollars on the table grinning and waiting.  Then they heard Sean O’Malley’s unmistakable brogue growl out, “Now don’t be like that sweet girl you’ve been twitching up against me for the last hour.  No running off now” then the sound of the two of them thumping up against the side of the chow trailer.  The grin slid off of Chloe’s face as she froze inside the realization of what was happening just around the corner.  Lolly watched it all play out on her friends face, from devilish amusement to shocked recognition to just a short flash of crippling pain straight on to bitter anger.  Chloe stood up suddenly knocking the bench she’d been sitting on over onto the ground.  She stood still for a moment listing to the sound of the couple making out then picked up her paper coffee cup and slammed it into the trash can with a loud, “GODFUCKINGDAMNIT!” Then she looked at Lolly with a small bitter smile and slight shake of her head and then simply walked off. 

Sean froze at the sound of Chloe’s voice. 

“Whasamatter baby” whined the girl.  Sean quickly pushed her away from him as she said, “HEY, what the fuck?” He stepped around the corner of the trailer only to see Chloe’s retreating back and Lolly slowly turning on him.

“Way to go dickwad” she said with fury in her voice.  Sean started forward eyes on Chloe only to find himself suddenly sprawled in the dirt, tripped by the small woman glaring at him from above.

“How about you stay away from her you lying cheating sack of shit!” Lolly dumped her coffee on him and took off after her friend.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Blind Love

He propped his head up on his hand and looked down at her in the moonlight.  She was glowing just a little bit and pulled the sheet up to hide it.  He stopped her.

“Don’t.  You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life.  Don’t doubt it for a moment” he said looking her right in the eyes.  “So how’s Seventeen so far?”

She smiled up at him, “Way the hell better than Sixteen.”

“Listen, I just want you to know…” he stopped because she put her hand on his mouth.

“Sean, don’t.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep” she said

“What makes you think I can’t keep them?” he said a bit defensively.

“Sean I’m serious.  I don’t think I could stand it if you lied to me, if we just leave it all open then I know what the deal is.”

“Chloe, listen to me because I mean this more than I’ve ever meant anything.  I love you.  I’ve always loved you.  I want to be with you and only with you.  I know it’s hard and I know it’s scary but don’t you think it’s worth it?” he said with just a trace of pleading in his voice.

“Sean…” she looked into his face, the face she’d been crushing on and hating and falling in love with since she was thirteen years old, “…just…just don’t you fucking lie to me or cheat on me, that’s all I’m asking.”

“Deal!” he said with a big grin on his face then he kissed her and that one little voice inside her head that was saying over and over “don’t do this, don’t do this, don’t do this…” slowly receded into the roar of passion and a blinding love she had been carrying around in her heart for four years.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Breaking

She stood in the middle of the trailer that she had shared with her Mom for most of her life.  Lolly had been with her all day helping her pack shit up and haul it to Goodwill and to the local dump.  Tillie and Bosco had agreed to pay her on a cash only basis so she wouldn’t have to deal with banking issues and the trailer and everything in it was hers as far as anyone in the Carnival was concerned.  She sat down and stared at the last two boxes.  Her mother’s collection of Precious Moments figurines…a poor woman’s Hummel in Chloe’s opinion.  But then her mother had been a poor woman…and completely without taste of any kind.  Chloe took both boxes outside behind the trailer.  There was a low block wall that ran behind the line of trailers, on the other side of it was an empty field of weeds and scattered trees.  She carried the boxes into the field.  Then she opened up one box and carefully unwrapped a figurine, looked at it and then threw it as hard as she could at the wall.  It exploded in a very satisfying CRASH.  Lolly looked out of her back window in time to see the next one explode against the wall.  She frowned and picked up her phone and made a call.  A few minutes later Sean walked up, hopped the wall and joined Chloe as she continued to unwrap figurines and hurl them against the wall.  By this time tears were streaming down her face, no real expression just tears.  He stood there for a while watching her.  Then he started unwrapping the figurines and handing them to her.  Soon that box was empty and they started in on the second one.  By this time she was actually crying and then suddenly she stopped in mid throw and dropped the figurine in her hand and quite literally fell down sobbing.  Sean sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms and rocked her back and forth as her grief poured out.

Later…

“I hated her.  I know she would have turned me out to every man that wanted a piece of freakass if Tillie hadn’t threatened to call the cops on her.  But even so…” her voice trailed off.

“Even so she was your Mum.  There’s no getting’ around that darlin’.  My Dad would get blind pissed at the pub every night and then come home and beat the ever lovin’ shite out of whoever was in the way.  We all hated him but when he got killed we all bawled like he had been Dad of the Year.  It’s just the way it is.” He got up from the picnic table and got them both more coffee.

“I guess.  I just didn’t expect it.” She was exhausted and put her head down on her arms crossed on the table in front of her.  He put the coffee cup near her head.  He stroked her hair gently.

“Darlin’ you’re only sixteen and though you’ve got it together better than a lot women ten years older, this isn’t the sort of thing anyone knows how to expect.  It just happens however it does.” She looked up at him and he gave her a sad smile.

“I’m an orphan.  I guess I always was, now it’s just official.” She put her head back down and Sean continued stroking her hair.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Changes come no matter what

“Well darlin’ you did it! You can now legally do what you’ve been doing illegally for the last two years” Sean said with a big grin on his face.

“Oh shut up I only ever drove if it was an emergency” she shot back grinning herself.

“Oh you mean like when you decided that ice cream was a necessity for getting through the night and you drove to the next county to find a place that was open and had what you wanted?”

“Yes.  Like I said, emergencies only.  Besides it doesn’t matter now, I got my license today so there.  All legal from now on.” She put her hand to her forehead to shade the sun as she looked towards the trailers where the carnie folks all lived, “What the hell is going on over there?”

“Looks like cops…and…an ambulance” Sean looked at her and they both hurried towards the action.  Just as they got to the edge of the trailers Lolly stepped out from between two of the trailers and grabbed Chloe’s hand and stopped her.

“Where the hell have you been girl?” Lolly demanded.  Chloe stopped confused, her friend seemed to be mad at her.

“Sean took me to get my drivers license, I told you that’s what I was doing today.  What the hell is going on over there?” Chloe looked over her shoulder but they were standing between two trailers and she couldn’t see what was going on.

Lolly’s face softened and she looked very sad, “Hon, I’m sorry about this but it’s your Mom.”

Chloe’s face lost all expression, “What did she do now and how much is it gonna cost me?”

Lolly hesitated, “Jesus…look there’s no way to say this other than to just say it.  She’s dead.  She was coming out of the trailer and forgot about the four steps down and fell.  She broke her neck.”

Chloe felt frozen in time. 

She felt…nothing.

Nothing.

“Well…I guess I should go talk to the cops” she said flatly.

“NO! Sweetie you’re a minor and unless you want to find yourself in the foster system you just stay out of sight.  Tillie and Bosco are dealing with them.  If they ask any questions about you they’re gonna tell them that you usually live with your Dad and just come to visit your Mom now and then during the summer.  We already moved most of your stuff out of your trailer and into mine.” Lolly held her hand, “Come on…let’s just go to my place and wait it out.  Tillie will come let us know when it’s all clear.”